Was it that no one wanted to pay $25 to see the same film other cinemas were showing for half that?
Did teh tension wane during the third revision of Creatures of the Deep? Or did teenage boys figure out that the latest action prequel looked pretty much the same on a 10-storeyhigh screen as it did on a 5-storey high screen?
Last night, I went to see the Transformers (Revenge of the Fallen) sequel at iMax Sydney and found a new reason to never go back.
I blame director Michael Bay. And let's be clear, he's such a blatant megalomaniac that if Megatron was real he wouldn't have the balls to take Bay down. (Plus, wasn't megatron a gun in the cartoon series? A gun can't fire itself, kids.)
So, Bay has made a fast-cut 200 minute training video of how to make sand explode.
I may be too old for such mindless action - and it has never been so mindless, or continuous, and endless - but the absolute absence of a coherent plot and characters worth caring about, (human or otherwise), meant that the death of Autobot CEO Optimus Prime washed over me like just another wave of sand.
Worst of all, the action moved so fast between the Transformers that I felt giddy trying to follow who was hitting who. I should not have cared. There are no death blows, no sweet spot that takes out their flux capacitor or secret move to render them undriveable. No, that would stunt Bay's plans to film essentially the same fight scene for two soulless hours.
Oh, and if one of the characters, say, Optimus Prime, does die? Just resurrect him.
It wouldn't be the first thing the film steals from The Matrix.
The US rating system provides the most concise review available: PG. Bloodless Violence.
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